For Women: Should You Stay in Your Relationship?


More emphasis should be placed on making relationships work! Here are ten reasons you should hold on to your relationship:

 

1.       He calls you more than you call him.

If your man is usually the one calling you first, then this is a simple yet meaningful sign that he is still very interested in you. A guy who is not satisfied with his relationship and wants it to end, will try to limit contact to his girlfriend as a sort of sign that he is looking elsewhere. So if you are not the one who always has to initiate contact, take this as an indication  that this relationship still has a lot of promise.

 

2.       There is no physical abuse.

If you are being abused in a relationship, then it is time to go. Therefore, if you are not being abused, your relationship is worthwhile holding on to.

 

3.       He is comfortable with you stopping by his place without notice.

If your man is uncomfortable with you doing this then something is wrong. He is hiding something from you and usually it is something which he knows you will not be happy about. Very often it is the case that his place may give you evidence that he has another woman. If you can stop by your guy’s place with no resentment on his part, this is a very good sign.

 

4.       He does not accuse you of cheating with no reasonable evidence.

If  your man trusts you, this is evidence that he too can be trusted. If he does not, this may indicate that he is the guilty party. View his trust in you, as evidence of his trustworthiness.

 

5.      You have similar goals.

If you and your  man share a similar outlook on life and share similar ideas on how you want your relationship to progress, then your relationship is very likely to succeed. Essentially, this contributes to  the level of compatibility in your relationship. Compatibility is the main ingredient for a great union .

 

 6.     You still feel in touch with who you are

Many women get lost in their relationships, that is, they are not sure who they are anymore. Their true personalities have been thwarted as a result of being in a relationship. This is not how your relationship should make you feel. So if you find that you are even more comfortable being yourself now that you are with this person, then stick with him!

 

7.       Arguments are not destructive.

When people interact, there should be arguments. However, we all know that for some couples, arguments are all about name calling. If when you argue, there is a focus on the issue and not on diminishing the self-esteem of the other person, then this is a sign that you are in a healthy and promising relationship.

 

8.       He is not a big fat liar!

Being in a relationship with a chronic liar is hell!. The more honest he is in other areas of life such as his professional dealings, the less likely it will be that he is cheating.  If your man is a constant liar or cheater in other situations, chances are he is also cheating on you or will do so eventually.

 

9.       You have no evidence that  he is cheating.

So he may have a few bad habits like being late, or not putting down the toilet seat, but if infidelity is not an issue in your relationship, do not be so quick to call it quits.

 

10.      You love him!

If  your guy has all the qualities you want in a man but you just do not feel that special feeling inside which tells you he is the one, then maybe this is not the relationship for you. The best relationships are the ones where there is a real sense that you are right where you want to be and not missing something. So if it feels right and you are in love, stick with it!            

 

 

When Not to go Beyond the First Date 

 

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me; fool me for the rest of my life because I stayed in this relationship, I deserve it.

A first date or even the first meeting is more important than many people think. It gives you a snapshot of what the person is like. Many people do not read the signs of a first meeting carefully enough. They tell themselves that that was just one meeting, or only two minutes; but I have some news for you- remember the saying ‘first impressions last’? Well it can be taken on another level when it comes to dating. First impression is not just about what you think and continue to think, it is also about the person’s true modus operandi showing up from the first meeting and continuing to express itself as his personality style long after. Pay attention to what the person is like when you meet him.

Here is an example: you met a man while he was finishing up a meeting, a very rough meeting where he had to be discussing some matters that had everyone very angry and agitated. Maybe you overheard him participating; maybe you were even able to see him in action through the glass as you waited for him to take you on a lunch date. He probably even planned the whole thing to impress you. But let us say you heard him shouting and almost literally beating his colleagues or subordinates into accepting his point. Whether he staged this or not, this is something you should take into consideration. Is he likely to dominate you or insist that he makes decisions for you? See, now you may see it as ‘oh he’s so manly and in control’, but do not be surprised later when you complain to your friends how much of a ‘control freak’ this man is and how he insists on telling you what to do all the time.

The important thing here is that when scrutinizing a man you have to look on the bad side of his good points and the good side of his bad points. Yes sometimes the only way to get a true understanding of the homo sapien you are dealing with is to allow yourself to believe that in fact, his is capable of being an angel and a devil. Never tell yourself, well I do not think he could be that bad or that good. He is human; he can do it all. Whether he chooses to, is another story, but the capacity is always there. For example, and do not faint when I say this: all men are capable of being homosexual. Many will never act on it, but what if you happen to have one who will? Better accept it now just in case your type, is that type. (Just thought of that example after using the term homo sapien).

Try not to cast your new, first date guy into an angel role. Try as much as possible to see him as a man until he starts to show more heavenly qualities. His clothes cannot tell you if he is decent; neither will his car, nor the restaurant he chooses. Take a hint more from how he treats you and people around him, especially people he does not know.

How often have we heard a woman say, after a first date, how classy a man is; and,  that same woman, three months later, tell  how much he does not  respect her? Either she is talking about two different men or she totally misread first date signals.

Hear are some quick tips. If just one becomes a reality for you, let the first date be the last:

1.     He is more than an hour late and not because he got lost.

He already is not that into you. Things could change but this is a very good sign he has other priorities that he will continue to place ahead of you.

2.     He calls last minute and changes plans which greatly inconvenience you.

This is a very good sign that he may have another lady to whom he is giving his attention. If he cancels the first date, regardless of the reason, this is an indication that he is not that keen on making a good impression on you. Why would you want a second date?

3.     He borrows some money from you.

Again, there are just certain things a man who wants to impress a woman will not do. This is one of them. He may also be doing this to test you, maybe to see if you would help him out when he is out of cash. But if this is what he is doing, so soon in your interaction, this man has some serious issues.

4.     He borrows your personal items, like your cellular phone.

This type of behavior is a simple, but plain signal that he will be very dependent on you.

5.     He talks excessively about the things he hates about some women.

You may have a woman hater on your hands, or just someone who has been hurt and is still upset. In any case, it is best to reconsider dating this one.

6.     He tells you he loves you.

He is either a liar or has some serious emotional problems. Bad sign!

7.     He tells you he has been having some money problems lately.

He is either wasting no time to start his gold- digging, or he is trying to manipulate you. Run!

8.     He tells you he is rich.

Usually guys who are really rich do not do this. The ones that will say this on the first date are trying to manipulate you. Rest assured that this manipulation will only get worse.

9.     He asks you to marry him.

On the first date?  This has to be about more than love. Be very careful, you could be dating a crook or a ‘nutcase’.

10.    He says he is married but is about to get divorced.

Tell him to get his divorce first and then call you. It is best for you not to consider this man seriously ever again.

 

 

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Ladies, ever wondered if it would be a waste of time and expensive perfume to go on a second date?

Check out this article and find out:When to Not Go Beyond the First Date!